YIKES, this week went FAST. Really, it seems like just yesterday I sat here with you. WHEW….I AM getting old.
I am passing along some GREAT material from the Stephen Ministry’s monthly gathering.
Stephen Ministry is a designed program to help people who are walking a difficult path in life, and could use someone to “walk beside them” for a while. Stephen ministers have received special (rather intense) training on how to walk with others in “support” but without “therapy.”
There is a sense in which WE ALL should be Stephen Ministers. Now do know, I say that with NO disrespect to Stephen Ministers themselves—I admire them, but to point out that they are really doing what we ALL should be doing for one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.
In theory , each of us should probably be trained as Stephen Ministers — although in actuality-- it TAKES A SPECIAL PERSON WITH SPECIAL KNOWLEDGE to commit to walk with someone down a rough road. A big “Thank You” to all our Stephen ministers.
So —here is the INFO from them I pass on to us all. REALLY GOOD STUFF.
It deals with ----how to react to people who are taking treatments like “chemo” and “radiation” (or some other) that radically affects the body. We all have these encounters. I have personally cringed, observing, and overhearing some well-meant, but very insensitive exchanges.
I also cringed when I read through this –seeing how true this is--and remembered some remarks I personally have made!!! We all can gain from this.
Here are 5 TOPICS that should be considered “off-limits” as we interact with such friends with love and encouragement….
1. FALSE COMPLIMENTS
People who are enduring treatment and looking into the mirror everyday-- know what they look like. It matches how they feel----wiped out, or worse. Don’t try to compliment them! It won’t work. Simply saying how happy you are to see them—is quite nice.
2. COMPARISONS
Each person is unique, and treatment affects each differently. Do not talk about others—with good or bad reactions/results to their personal treatments. Rather listen to THIS PERSON in treatment. See how they are enduring. Speak words to help them persevere with hope for a “better tomorrow.”
3. DEATH OR LIMITATIONS
Fear is already a daily intruder in their life. It is like a home invasion. It comes right in with the pain and suffering they are experiencing from both the disease and the treatment. We do not need to focus on any negative effects or outcomes.
They need to be focused on: restoration, strength, support, healing, a future with hope.
Use words like, “this treatment will help restore your health in a day coming, so we will look forward to that together.”
4. YOUR OWN ANXIETY
Once again the person in treatment is full of anxiety---why would we add to that? Things like “I am so worried about your _____.” Or, “I think about how I would handle your stress.” NOT HELPFUL. I know we intend these to be supportive---but think!!!!! Who are we saying these things to and what is their perspective? We have a lot to learn about where people really are, and then, being sensitive to that. That is how we truly minister.
5. TREATMENT WOES
Forget the sympathetic connection of, “This chemo treatment must be so hard on you.” There is no “sym” there—it is just “pathetic” help. Of course it is hard. No one has to SAY IT. And you only know HOW HARD it really is, when you go through it. Don’t talk about the treatment regimen. Offer diversions to their difficult routine. Ask about new discoveries; or suggest some appropriate new interests to help them focus on something besides their hard pathway.
Here are helpful words that will never be taken poorly, and are always appropriate:
“I care about you”
“I am praying daily for God’s healing in you.”
“I am only ever a phone call away.”
“I am happy to do odd jobs for you.”
Once again I am grateful to (especially Carmie Wagaman) our Stephen Ministry team, for sharing the basic content of our email today…..I love being their pastor…. ….And….. I love being YOUR pastor!
Blessings to all,
AAron